There’s no feeling like waking up, head throbbing from last night’s overindulgence, and swarmed with paralyzing thoughts. What did I do last night? Often what someone did pales compared to what they said amid their drunken stupor.

Family, friends, significant others, a passerby in the wrong place at the wrong time, any one of them may become the subject of a drunken tirade. If they’re lucky, they may only receive a slurred “I love you, man” or some uncomfortable yet mild emotional declaration. And if they’re unlucky? Angry words are never pleasant, but they can reach violent heights when spewed from the mouth and minds of incredibly intoxicated people.

These outbursts can be particularly unsettling to those close to the drunken party, as they often bear little resemblance to words you would come to expect from this person when sober. These words may even directly contradict what you think you know about that person, expressing sentiments you had not previously known them to feel. It may be as innocuous as distaste for a food you know they like or as damaging as a break up in a relationship that was previously “going well.”

Where Does This Behavior Stem? 

What is it about alcohol that it can transform even the most mild-mannered of individuals into angry and confrontational drunks?

To dive into this mystery, you must first examine what alcohol does to the body. Consumption of alcohol causes hormones like serotonin and dopamine to kick into gear, resulting in euphoria, excitement, and relaxation. This “warm buzz” is why individuals drink to unwind, celebrate, or relax after a hectic week. The effect produced by alcohol is good, as evidenced by the fact that people choose to drink, although the myriad of social issues lawmakers, law enforcement, and religious leaders point to as problems stemming from alcohol.

As a former problem drinker, this initial euphoria encouraged me to drink more to maintain and heighten that feeling. If a little feels good, a lot must feel excellent. If only it worked that way! The reality of increased levels of intoxication looked more like stumbling, slurring, and a lack of situational awareness than someone “feeling really good.” 

As the effects of the alcohol compounded, my inhibitions lessened, and my ability to contextualize my surroundings, conversations and life in general diminished. This lack of inhibition and an inability to solve problems materialized in all sorts of half-baked thoughts and ideas. Those ideas then took shape in my actions, and, yes, my words.

Let’s break that down. Drunk? Yes. Inhibitions? None. Understanding of consequences? What are those? These conditions culminated in all too many instances of saying regrettable things. Picking up a phone call from me during these nights was not an advisable undertaking.

The slightest comment, glare, or gesture was often seen as a personal slight and was responded to in kind. As a sober individual, I’m generally easygoing and helpful, with an aversion to conflict. After 7 or 8 drinks, I bore little resemblance to this description.

My tendency to be confrontational while drinking oftentimes has different negative consequences. 

Blowout fights with my partner, verbal altercations with friends, confrontations with strangers whom I perceived to be slighting me, the list increased with each passing weekend of drinking.

This was only sometimes the case; some nights out yielded little more than a memorable time with friends and a slight hangover. The reality is that it often occurred enough for friends to be weary about drinking with me. Upon waking the next day, I would quickly check my phone to ensure I didn’t have any angry texts from people who were upset with me over something that may have occurred the night before.

The worst part is that I would say things I knew I didn’t mean in my heart. There’s an adage that “a drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.” My experience says something entirely different: I found myself apologizing for all sorts of convictions I didn’t hold true in my sober mind. 

I experimented with my drinking for a long time to avoid this recurring problem. I stopped drinking shots, no more brunch buzzes, no drinking during the week, but it would inevitably happen again. I’d wake up to that gut-shattering text or voicemail letting me know I had said something regrettable.

 The consequences and relational harm overshadowed the good nights and warm feelings. I had to ask myself a tricky question; is drinking worth all of this? The obvious answer was no, not at all, but at this point in my life, drinking had become such a huge part of my social life, my leisure time, and, dare I say it, my personality.

Ultimately, I had to get honest with myself. 

For someone who “didn’t have a problem,” I spent much time shaping my drinking to minimize consequences. Ultimately, with the help of therapy and treatment, I quit drinking altogether.

I still put my foot in my mouth sometimes, but not with the same regularity I did while drinking. As a result, I haven’t had to wake up with those terrifying thoughts: “What did I do last night?” “Where’s my phone?” “What did I say?” “Why would I do that?” I don’t have to make the rounds, apologizing to anyone I may have interacted with the previous night and feeling embarrassed. 

Sometimes, the correct answer is the most obvious one. And as for the question of why I would say regrettable things when drinking? Once I stopped drinking, it didn’t matter anymore.