Regarding different forms of relational dysfunction and psychological abuse, few topics have garnered as much attention in the last few years as gaslighting. But what is gaslighting exactly, and how does one know if they’re being gaslit?

What is Gaslighting

The term “gaslight” originally entered the lexicon from the 1944 Ingrid Bergman film of the same name. The film’s plot focuses on a husband slowly and steadily convincing his wife that she is losing her mind, planting seeds to achieve this manipulation until he prepares to commit her to a mental institution.

In its current incarnation, the American Psychological Association defines gaslighting as “manipulating (ing) another person into doubting his or her perceptions, experiences, or understanding of events.” 

Gaslighting may not convince one that they have a legitimate mental illness, it may be as subtle as the gaslighter hinting at forgetfulness, but that does not detract from the seriousness of the problem. It need not just occur between those in relationships but can occur between friends, family, and at work.

Unlike in the film, where a helpful detective is there to uncover the manipulation and free Paula from her husband’s carefully constructed reality, someone who is being gaslit might not have the benefit of an advocate who can see things. Understanding gaslighting and knowing the signs when they present themselves is essential.

15 Signs of Gaslighting

1. Denying things: The gaslighter denies doing or saying something, even when there is irrefutable evidence to the contrary.
2. Blame shifting: The gaslighter blames others (frequently the victim) for their own behavior or mistakes. 
3. Trivializing: The gaslighter makes the victim’s thoughts, feelings, or experiences seem unimportant, silly, or misguided.
4. Isolating: The gaslighter tries to isolate the victim from friends, family, and support networks who may provide an alternative point of view.
5. Confusing: The gaslighter’s behavior is hard to predict, inconsistent, and confusing, making the victim unsure of what is real.
6. Making the victim feel guilty: The gaslighter makes them feel guilty for their thoughts, feelings, or actions.
7. Projecting: The gaslighter projects their behavior onto the victim, accusing them of doing the same thing they are guilty of.
8. Mind games: The gaslighter manipulates the victim’s thoughts and emotions.
9. Playing the victim: The gaslighter portrays themselves as a victim, making it difficult for the actual victim to get support.
10. Discrediting: The gaslighter undermines the victim’s reputation and credibility to others.
11. Fear-mongering: The gaslighter uses fear and intimidation to control the victim. It need not rise to physical fear and pressure, but it may.
12. Classic Gaslighting: The gaslighter makes the victim question their memory and perception of events.
13. False compliments: The gaslighter gives false compliments to control the victim and make them feel dependent. 
14. Lies: The gaslighter lies frequently and contradicts themselves often.
15. Withholding information: The gaslighter withholds information or hides things from the victim to maintain control.

It’s important to remember that gaslighting can be a severe form of psychological abuse, and it’s essential to seek support if you believe you may be experiencing it.

Why do people Gaslight?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where a person manipulates another person into doubting their perception of reality. The reasons why people engage in gaslighting can vary. Still, there are several common underlying factors:

1. Control: Gaslighting is often used as a way for an individual to gain control over another person. By making the victim doubt their perception of reality, the abuser can manipulate them into doing what they want.
2. Insecurity: Individuals who are insecure about their behavior or actions may use gaslighting to avoid taking responsibility for their behavior. By making the victim doubt their perception of reality, the abuser can deflect blame and avoid consequences.
3. Power: In some cases, gaslighting is used as a way for an individual to maintain a sense of power and control over another person. By making the victim doubt their perception of reality, the abuser can create a power dynamic that favors them.
4. Mental health issues: Individuals who struggle with certain mental health conditions, such as narcissistic personality disorder, may use gaslighting to maintain their own sense of self-importance and control.

What to do When You Experience Gaslighting?

Experiencing gaslighting can be a challenging and distressing experience. If you are experiencing gaslighting, here are some steps you can take:

1. Recognize the behavior: The first step in addressing gaslighting is to recognize when it is happening. Pay attention to your gut feelings and emotions, and don’t let anyone dismiss or minimize your concerns.
2. Trust your perceptions: Gaslighting can make you doubt your perceptions and feelings, so it’s important to remind yourself that your thoughts and feelings are valid. It can be helpful to keep a journal or record of the abuse to help you stay grounded in reality.
3. Set boundaries: If you are in a relationship with someone gaslighting you, it’s essential to set clear boundaries and communicate your needs. Let the person know that their behavior is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate it.
4. Seek support: It can be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or family member about your experiences. A mental health professional or support group can also provide a safe and supportive space to process emotions and develop coping strategies.
5. Consider ending the relationship: Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can damage your mental health and well-being. If the gaslighting behavior continues even after you have set boundaries and sought support, it may be necessary to consider ending the relationship.

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and can have severe and long-lasting effects on the victim’s mental health and well-being. If you or someone you know is experiencing gaslighting, seek help from a mental health professional or support group.

Additional Resources For Gaslighting 

If you are experiencing gaslighting, you do not need to endure the abuse alone.

 Instead, take advantage of the following additional resources for help. Getting help is often a sign of strength and makes the situation easier to deal with and resolve. 

1. Mental health professionals: A licensed mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor, can provide a safe and supportive space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies.
2. Support groups: Support groups are available that specifically address the issue of gaslighting. These groups can provide a supportive environment for individuals to share their experiences and learn from others with similar challenges.
3. Hotlines: There are hotlines available that provide information and support for individuals experiencing gaslighting. These hotlines can offer advice, resources, and referrals to treatment programs.
4. Online resources: Several online resources are available that provide information and support for individuals experiencing gaslighting. Websites like the National Domestic Violence Hotline and the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) provide educational resources, support hotlines, and treatment locators.

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can damage your mental health and well-being. It’s essential to prioritize your well-being and safety and to seek support from a mental health professional or support group if you are experiencing gaslighting. Healing from emotional abuse is a gradual process that requires patience and effort, so treat yourself with compassion and take appropriate actions. With the help of adequate support, it’s possible to recover from the consequences of emotional abuse and progress toward a positive future.